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January 15, 2015 by Goon Reviews

Retro Gamer: Smash TV

In the future, people will compete in super violent game shows for toasters.

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The Long Hair of Death Review

Retro Gamer: Wheel of Fortune

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Maybe I've been spoiled by how much I like the new Spider-Man film, but after rewatching this I couldn't help but feel how silly it felt. For starters I want to say I liked Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, for the most part, as Peter Parker and Gwen Stacey in this reboot of the franchise. I'm not sure if a reboot should have been the way to go, I mean, I understand they wanted to establish their own world and that it was separate from the previous Trilogy, but it didn't feel fresh regardless how different of a path they took. We were still hitting all the same beats and you could count along in your head and that made it feel stale. Also, Spider-Man felt really creepy and kinda threatening at the beginning, but I do appreciate the added humor that the original trilogy lacked, even if Andrew Garfield couldn't deliver it some of the time. There were moments I felt he was too awkward, as Peter. He brought a lot of twitches and quirks that felt off putting, but other times he seemed like a socially awkward kid and he had excellent chemistry with Emma Stone who is just the cutest ever. This movie was more about their love story and Peter's search for the truth about his parents, which is a pretty interesting idea and allows for Peter to do something more than mope about love or fight a bad guy. I wasn't a big fan of how the Lizard looked, almost too human, but maybe that was the point. Dr. Conners was made into a sympathetic character and I enjoyed seeing him more than the Lizard. But poor Aunt May. She was really weak in this and marginalized. Anytime she had something to say, someone would cut her off or lie to her and she'd give up. Kind of a waste of a character and weak writing. Didn't really care for the costume redesign, especially the darker eyes. Kinda missed the point of the costume. Still, this movie set up some interesting sequels and told a solid story without getting bogged down. #nowwatching #nowplaying #theamazingspiderman #marcwebb #andrewgarfield #emmastone #rhysifans #denisleary #columbiapictures #marvel #marvelentertainment #action #superhero #bluray #bluraycollection #moviereview #moviecritic #filmreview #filmcritic #cinephile #2012

Now watching, The Amazing Spider-Man (2012). #nowwatching #nowplaying #theamazingspiderman #marcwebb #andrewgarfield #emmastone #rhysifans #denisleary #columbiapictures #marvel #marvelentertainment #action #superhero #bluray #bluraycollection #moviereview #moviecritic #filmreview #filmcritic #cinephile #2012 #goonreviewstheamazingspiderman

Michael Myers from Halloween II Sharpie sketch on 9" x12" paper. $20 shipped, so leave a comment below if you want it. #halloween #halloween2 #michaelmyers #theshape #horror #horrorart #horrorartist #art #artist #artwork #illustration #illustrator #sketch #drawing #doodle #pen #paper #sharpie #instaartist #artoftheday #totallyterror

Miramax had a habit of taking pre-existing horror scripts, taking an element from a horror movie they had the rights to and add it to that in order to make a franchise. That's exactly how this felt; like a minor change was made to a script and the CotC title was stapled to it. Funny thing is, these films wouldn't be all that bad if it weren't for the shoehorned in franchise. This one stars Naomi Watts in her first movie role returning home to take care of her now crazy mother, but all the kids in town start acting sick and claim to be someone else. Problem with this one is, is that it's kind of boring. I do like how it's smaller scaled compared to the previous two and it does return back to its rural roots. It also tries to bring back more of the atmosphere and mood, but that still seems to be undermined by the violence, which the film didn't seem to want to commit to. Like, the deaths would be gory, but they usually cut away or hide the effect in shadows. People get severed in half, decapitated and cut limb from limb, but it's much smaller glimpses. This one is more about gooey face sores, kinda like the devil in Prince of Darkness. I want to say the supernatural element is played down, but the whole plot is about possession. I think it's because there is no mention of He Who Walks Behind the Rows, another clue to this possibly being a different script. Naomi Watts actually does a really good job and her mother played by Karen Black was also great, but the latter isn't given much to do aside from chain-smoke and mumble some crazy dialogue. Ultimately, this entry is pretty forgettable, even though it's better acted and produced than the other two sequels. Now watching, Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996). #nowwatching #nowplaying #childrenofthecorn4 #thegathering #gregspence #naomiwatts #karenblack #jamiereneesmith #brentjennings #miramax #dimensionfilms #echobridgehomeentertainment #horror #90shorror #dvd #dvdcollection #moviereview #moviecritic #filmreview #filmcritic #cinephile #1996 #goonreviewschildrenofthecorn4

Now watching, Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996). #nowwatching #nowplaying #childrenofthecorn4 #thegathering #gregspence #naomiwatts #karenblack #jamiereneesmith #brentjennings #miramax #dimensionfilms #echobridgehomeentertainment #horror #90shorror #dvd #dvdcollection #moviereview #moviecritic #filmreview #filmcritic #cinephile #1996 #goonreviewschildrenofthecorn4

This is the sequel where they said 'fuck it. Let's get stupid.' And stupid they did. The first CotC film establisjes them as farm type people, this one flat out says they're Amish. Apparently Gatlin, Nebraska is just an afternoon drive away as two boys are adopted and relocated to the Windy city, thus the title Urban Harvest. One of the boys, Eli, was apparently around for the original CotC film seeing as the priest dreams about him during the flashbacks to clips of the previous two films. He immediately brainwashes everyone at his new school, which is also ran by and taught by the priest, and plants Corn in some hobo warehouse next to his new foster home. Oh, and his new foster dad just happens to do business in corn and plans on shipping Eli's strain around the world! Meanwhile, his brother Joshua adapts to his new life, makes friends, gets to second base and learns that Eli is really evil. The ending is where the movie really jumps the shark and things just so happen to come together and it turns into a smorgasbord of Gore, my favorite being where someone's head is pulled off with the spine attached, like Sub-Zero is He Who Walks Behind the Rows. There are so many coincidences and it all leads up to a giant monster that kills the same dozen kids running back and forth, who don't seem to look scared or know how to escape. One of these kids in question just so happens to be Charlize Theron in her first movie role. There's seemingly a lot of plot holes at the beginning and nothing lines up, but then the film tries to tie it together in a coincidental, throwaway line that's total bullshit, but this movie is so bananas and ridiculous, I like it and it always makes me laugh. #nowwatching #nowplaying #childrenofthecorn3 #urbanharvest #jamesdrhickox #danielcerny #ronmelendez #marimorrow #michaelensign #dimensionfilms #miramax #echobridgehomeentertainment #horror #90shorror #dvd #dvdcollection #moviereview #moviecritic #filmreview #filmcritic #cinephile #1995 #goonreviewschildrenofthecorn3

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